I don’t like committing to words, or quotes - the kind you stick to a wall, or frame, or tattoo to your skin. I no sooner write down a thing meant to inspire me, that I go blind to its existence and the inspiration turns to dust. But things do inspire me! Like, for example, Jack Druce’s advice in a recent Dense Discovery newsletter:
‘Trivialise what you do.’ I learned this with comedy but I think it applies to everything. If you are betting your self-worth on everything you do, it’s easy to crumple under the weight of your own expectations. If you can find ways to convince yourself that whatever you’re doing is just silly and fun then you can simply do your best without dreading the consequences of it not going exactly how you planned.
It corresponds with what Caroline McGraw said in an interview with Gretchen Rubin:
The most common objection I get to “you don’t owe anyone,” is the idea that if we don’t walk around overburdened with constant guilt and obligation, then we’ll just run amok and ruin people’s lives.
What I’ve actually found is that when you live like you don’t owe anyone – when you are free from the weight of expectations, and have a felt awareness of your own freedom – then you are more likely to act in loving ways.
It’s linked to that great concept from Brené Brown, how our boundaries keep us out of resentment. When you set boundaries around your time and energy, when you don’t owe anyone an interaction … then you’re free to give from the heart.
It’s very heavy walking around burdened by your own ideas of how you should be and what you should do. I can’t help but feel that in excess, it can become like Sara Gruen’s tragic rescue mission.
One of the advantages Seth Godin lists as a benefit of writing a book is that “it leaves behind a record of where you are in this moment.” Blog posts are similar. Today, I like thinking about the balance to be found between love and expectation. Because this idea is on my mind, I find it expressed in new ways, everywhere… Last night, reading aloud from Anne of Avonlea, this description made me smile: “Jane was not troubled by any aspirations to be an influence for good.” Pithily, “The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes.” (Mark Nepo via)